She'arim's Simchas

 By Alisa Roberts with Contributions by Rebbetzin Malka Kaganoff

It’s Adar, which means time for simcha. And thank G-d we’ve had our share at She’arim this year. But simcha, especially at She’arim, is a multifaceted concept. 

The truth is, She’arim is a venue for simcha: as the women here quickly learn, it is a deeply satisfying and rewarding experience to find what you want out of life and then to watch yourself grow toward it. And when you can share that experience with people focused on the same goals, the same growth, who are at the same time enthusiastically supporting yours, well – then simcha isn’t difficult to imagine. 

It’s rarely a bad time for a birthday party, and that philosophy is one She’arim students embrace. Whether it’s a night out to dinner testing the limits of restaurant seating capacity, or a night in with snacks and special desserts, celebrating together is always fun and meaningful.

Then there are the weddings. Since Adar began, we’ve had a multitude of weddings of both students and alumni. Some weeks, it seems we try to fit in classes between dancing for newly engaged girls and getting dressed for the weddings in time for the kabalat panim.

I think Rebbetzin Kaganoff said it best:

“Take a glance at the bulletin board. Invitations are proudly displayed, reminding everyone of the upcoming event taking place in the Holy City or the Holyland. Or perhaps the invitation announces a simcha of a current or former student which will take place in a different country. Teachers and students mark their calendars, share the joy from afar when the great day comes, and anxiously await the posting of photos. As the wedding approaches, last minute details fall into place. When will the family arrive, who will be the shomeret, who will arrange the Tehillim? One student graciously takes responsibility to gather commitments from friends of the kallah and her teachers to say chapters of Tehillim in honor of the kallah on her wedding day. The pledge page fills up quickly until the whole book of Tehillim is pledged. Yet another show of unity and giving.

Then, at our school, we have the added simcha of seeing our newly married friends showing up at school the next week, tired and with new hairstyles, but with the same jokes and insights as always. And eventually we have the simcha of watching their families become larger, with fellow students attending brises or visiting new Moms several times a month. 

Even family simchas are celebrated in this group, as our chevra share the joys of those they miss in other places. Births, engagements, birthdays and anniversaries of far away loved ones are passed around, along with the photos of course. 

And during the rare weeks when no one has gotten engaged, married, had a birthday or given birth, well – that’s one more reason siyums are so nice. 

But even in the midst of such abundance of happy occasions, we are not free of challenges. A few weeks ago, actually during the sheva brachos of a student, we heard about the shooting at Yeshivat Mercaz HaRav Kook. There are few things more sobering than such an event. And, unexpectedly, there is simcha to be found in tragedy too. When we are heartbroken we don’t hide: we sit together to cry, and to talk. We share in the heartbreak of the tragedy of lost life. We share the mourning of our people.

Simchas are not the only news that students receive from home. We often share our personal mourning. We make brachas for the aliyas neshamas of parents and grandparents over food donated by students and alumni. We listen to the insights passed to us by our Rabbis and Rebbetzins on finding meaning in all aspects of life, and we try to integrate it and strengthen ourselves with it. There is genuine simcha in being able to come together as a community to find support, courage and inspiration in every challenge. 

She’arim is a unique place. It is filled with intelligent, focused, involved women. It produces women who are confident and empowered in the lives they choose beyond seminary. And it is a venue for simcha. Because our simcha is our Torah, our community, and the way they intertwine – through the joyful and the difficult. Our simcha is each other.