By Amy Rubin

It was what seemed like the 10,000^th work crisis in the last year.  The project that was supposed to be done, wasn’t.  Another weekend of work and late nights of problem solving.  Why was I doing this?  Sure, the work’s great, and it pays for a lot of worthwhile things in my life, but I was fried, cranky, and hadn’t been back to Israel in nearly three years.  As I relaxed on Shabbat, I pondered –  why was I doing this?  I needed a vacation, I decided, and not just two weeks, but a month, to get re-oriented, re-grounded, and re-charged.  I was going back to She’arim and Yerushalayim.

Just making the decision made me feel better and put it all back into perspective.  As the days passed – never quickly enough – I began plotting my goals for the trip: reconnecting with the Rebbetzins, rejuvenating my davening at the Kotel, immersing myself in learning once again.  It had been four years since I’d first attended She’arim and drunk the “kosher Kool Aid,” and I remembered my time there glowingly – the amazing role models of our teachers, the friendship with the other women and the learning – always the learning. 

This time around, while super-excited, I was also a little apprehensive.  When I’d first attended, I was 32, while most of the students were in their mid-twenties.  Now, I’d be 36, while most of the students were in their mid-twenties.  Would I be the grandma of the group?  In addition, the aforementioned crazy work schedule and generally hectic pace of life had left me little time or energy for formal learning; would I be able to pick back up where I’d left off? 

Once again, She’arim surpassed my expectations.  Elsewhere in this newsletter, you’ll read about the nature of the new “millennial” generation of students.  Well, from this cranky Xer’s perspective, the new generation is looking pretty good – my fellow students were sweet, welcoming, eager to be part of the community, and tremendously excited about learning and Yiddishkeit.  They welcomed me into their world, and as we learned, we were all just fellow seekers in the ageless quest for Torah and truth. 

When I had first attended She’arim in 2005, I was still an in-betweener, knowing I wanted to grow, but not sure what that meant for me.  When I left, I was a newbie BT, committed to trying out the whole Shabbos, Kashrut, frummie thing.  Four years later in 2009, I returned to She’arim firm in my frumkeit, knowing where I stood and wanting to grow within that.  It makes quite a difference! 

It turns out that in the last four years I’ve absorbed more Torah at shiurim, Shabbos tables, and in my Baltimore community than I’d consciously realized.  Thus, I jumped back into the learning with gusto – only surprised to remember how much fun it was, and how enriching, and how much I loved it.  Some staff had changed, some were the same, but all shared the same She’arim qualities – warm, intelligent, educated, caring, invested and dedicated to ensuring that each student finds her own path to Torah.  

As the days passed and I reconnected with my beloved teachers, befriended my fellow students, soaked in the Torah, and walked the land of Israel, I realized that once again, I had made one of the best decisions of my life in coming to She’arim.  And as I tearfully left Israel – my original one month stay having been extended to two  – I began plotting my next move.  Watch out She’arim, you may not be rid of me yet!