At She’arim’s we aim to maintain a life long connection with our students to be available for them as they transition through life events. Knowing that for most of our alumnae, the jump into Torah life will always mean new beginnings, we want them to be able to return to us, their teachers and mentors, as they travel life’s paths

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Indeed, many of our alumnae are in touch with us on a regular – and irregular – basis. Questions, issues and requests for guidance come in through email and phone, and Rebbitzin Pavlov meets with hundreds of alumnae in her travels. This is part of our mission, and we are pleased to create and maintain these valuable connections.

Recently, we planned “A Day of Learning” programs in New York and Israel. Before the event, we asked the alumnae what questions they would like addressed and what kinds of classes they would like to hear. As the requests poured in, we noticed certain patterns. They were asking how to connect spiritually while going through the routine of daily life and how to strengthen their bitachon and emunah in difficult times.

Interestingly, the overwhelming majority of questions were about integrating into religious life, five, ten

and fifteen years after their original teshuva process. The alumnae had questions about raising children in a system in which they themselves were not raised, about acceptance/non-acceptance in the FFB (frum from birth) world, and about individuality versus conformity. Even the most accepting of grandparents may live very different lifestyles, and there are questions of how to explain these differences to children. Another big issue was intermarriage – how to deal with it, how to relate to intermarried siblings, and how to explain this difficult reality to children.

 It became clear to us that for many, as they go through life, there is a feeling of uncertainty in how to best deal with the next step.  Like people from all religious backgrounds, baalei teshuva are groping to figure out how to raise their children in a world that has gone off kilter.  But for a BT, there is an additional anxiety. Every new life cycle event and step in life   – for instance, when their children start school, high school, or shidduchim - is always a new challenge without any previous personal experience to draw on.

In many ways, becoming a BT is like an immigration process – moving to a new country, with a new language, new social mores, norms, expectations, and nuances. While the baale teshuva is trying to figure out how to maneuver it, she may feel like she is, on some level, an immigrant. Her children may feel like second generation immigrants, combining two cultures and struggling to put it all together successfully. 

The experience of changing values and lifestyle is different for each person. Some make the transition easily, and for others, reading the map of the religious world is daunting. For most, it is somewhere in between. Some factors make the process easier. As we work with our alumnae over time, we see that selecting the right community and support network is a key to navigating these challenges. Some communities are more accepting and supportive than others. There are some Rabbis who understand the mindset of baale teshuva and some who don’t.

Of course, the Rebbetzins and Rabbis at She’arim are always available to our alumnae to help with these questions. We understand the journey may be difficult at times and we are proud and grateful to provide ongoing Torah outlook and guidance to our She’arim family.